A day of fulfilment - Charles in on full feeds 40ml/2hrs and his routine at Worthing is quickly heading towards 'Standard Stuff' for babies.
We have a clearer picture of at least 9 days future:
1. Tube feeding on full normal feeds until Tuesday week
2. He goes back to Brighton for his swallow and gag test
3. All being well we try suckling him
That means we can get a routine going and try to do a good part of his care each day; even if it does mean two trips to Worthing each day.
It was strangely reassuring to have two nurses rush into his room when his apnoea monitor went off (just the sensor coming unstuck). Smiles all round and once they had checked him over and fitted a new sticky pad they left.
It also helps that the nurse today was very reassuring - talking of her experiences on SCBU wards and of caring for very prem babies like Emily was. It helps us make the mental transition to trusting his new carers.
Cathy spent most of the day there and I went in and out doing things for Emily such as taking her to her Horse riding lesson. I finished with a long cuddle with Charles after a feed and thoroughly enjoyed winding him and holding him as he was awake and alert. Once again I embarrassed Emily to the point where she had to say something. "Daddy, do you know you can hear everything through these walls?" I guess Bu Bu Bub Bubba Hic Hic de dum dum is embarrassing for children over eleven, but it did not put me off and I went to even greater things like ever so over pronounced yawns in response to a yawn from Charlie (can it be he is bored of Dad's repertoire already?). Emily had to leave at this point and later came back with some bargain baby-grows for sale on the ward...
At last we are relaxing a little and it becomes obvious when you get home and just fall asleep at 6pm that the adrenalin is not in endless supply. Emily cooked the evening meal, right down to peeling potatoes and grating cheese - excellent job we have done on teaching her!!!
Cath's mum is ill with a tummy bug at home in Newbury so we wish her a swift recovery.
As one phase in Charles life passes the next begins with his care at Worthing and with that we too come closer to the reality of having him at home and us caring for him. We are still both hugely excited and at the same time scared of what Charles will bring to our family. All our senses tell us it will be fine and we can cope no matter what, but deep, deep down inside a voice is bellowing "He is not the perfect child you really wanted". There is no adequate metaphor...
No he has not been through the smooth introduction to life on Earth we wanted for him, but that is the end of it. No one controls their destiny and what we have created is a life with it's own destiny that is Charles our son. Our wonderful son. |