I know it has been a month since my last visit here and you think I have forgotten you - well I haven't.
He has been just - well - normal. It is almost more emotionally draining to cling to the notion he is going to be fine than to have some specific disability to state here. Each day he gets stronger, exhibits another bit of normal development and we go to bed again hoping for another day like the last - only better!
We have just got back from a wet, but enjoyable break at Les Aunays - www.lesaunays.co.uk and lovely it was to have the roaring fire on those 10deg half-term evenings in rainy Normandy.
The Grands on Cathy's side joined us for the last four days as they were in France on a twinning anyway. It was just aswell though my alchohol budget was forced into the red coping with bored games and cold lonely nights indoors nursing a back sprain (due to sneezing when cold).
It was uneventful, fun and remarkable, enjoyable, complete escape and a good all-round holiday and if you ignore the lack of sun shining a complete perfect break. We discovered the Tom-Tom limits and with added Nev-Nav had no navigation problems at all - only fun excursions with contrary commentary!
To bring you up-to-date the Christening went very smoothly - 60plus guests at the refreshments and many more came to the church ceremony. Charles Edward Clark behaved himself impeccably - just the obligatory wail when doused with (real) Jordan water.
The highlights for me were:
My Mum giving Charles a cuddle and bottle feeding him
God Parents taking such pleasure in holding him
Him being awake and interested in everything for the duration
It was one of those occasions when I wanted to make a speech thanking everyone and going into detail about how much they had all helped us cope and Charles develop, but the right time never appeared. Every time I looked to clang a table or shout everyone to hush it was obvious everyone was enjoying the company and mixing nicely.
So - here it is:
Dear friends and relatives,
Cathy and I are rarely stuck for words, in fact, never in our nearly 20 years together have I witnessed or experienced such lasting generosity of heart and soul as you gave us starting at 8.30am 9th Feb this year. We take you all for granted day to day and enjoy your company when we meet. Your conversation is stimulating and we take pride in calling you our friends, our relatives. Our lives intertwined and undulating, irregular and often unplanned or late you have shown us friendship as I think most people experience through life.
On Feb 9 that changed and you changed up a gear. My head was spinning, I had given up and virtually planned Charles funeral as I drove in after the ambulances had left. In my head he was burried next to Katie Alice and I had started to mourn. Then I turned a corner as I entered the hospital and caught myself with a twinkling ' tinkerbell' thought "Charles may have survived and I needed to stay positive to help him, Cathy and Emily until all hope was truly lost. Only then should I allow myself to crack up."
Shock is the only way I can describe being told Charles was alive! Add to that the comfort of old friends I know and trust were already involved in his care - The Trevor Mann Baby Unit were instructing Worthing SCBU staff. Then hours after his birth - YOU came to the fore cleaning our house before we returned and over the following days, listening, supporting, asking, reading this blog, bringing meals, carrying us over the arid ground that threatened to scorch our feet if we walked ourselves.
Thank you is not enough and Charles is saying thank you in his own way - the only way he knows how.
When I look into his eyes now and he looks back full of interest and keenness to learn his new world I can scarcely believe he is my son, my child. He has come through his war and is still fighting fit and up for anything this world has to throw at him. His lungs pack a punch his sprit is determined and I see him dictating to us how he wants his life as if we were his puppets. Remarkable. Now we have to realise it is time to take charge and show our resolution to be good parents getting him to understand our need for routines.
The health care worker today was (in my words) astonished not to find any sign of developmental abnormality. She is keen for us to continue what we are doing with him and start to extend the breaks between feeds by not responding so quickly when he cries and starting him on solids...
His expressions and sounds grow in complexity and he has just started repeating what we do back to us. He loves the mirror-game where you mimmick his face, sounds and movements. He is distracted and calmed by blowing raspberries on his cheeks, neck and tummy...
You know that expression "So nice I could eat him" well I now understand that emotional boiling pot of parental pleasure - his cheek aganst mine.
Wonderful.
...Thought for the day "If you not living each day as if it were your last then you are not living" Your life is what you make of it and your friends make it a whole lot better.
Much love and thanks to you all. |